Misha's battle with cancer

Maxie

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:41:03 GMT

I'm really remembering Misha today because her sister, Maxie, is going to doggie heaven, probably as I type this. I know Misha will show her around and take care of her. I'm feeling bad for my nieces and nephews, who are hurting badly right now. Here it is almost a 1-1/2 years later and I still cry for her.

BEEZER'S TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO FEEL GUILTY

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:35:32 GMT

BEEZER'S TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO FEEL GUILTY

(Compiled by Beezer the Black Lab from the Bridge and sent back to
Earth.)

10. Jeez! If you're born, you die. Think about it dad.

9. Fear is the real enemy, not kidney disease. Fear is curable.
I'm with you right now, just invisible. I'll be waiting at the
Bridge when you arrive. Don't be afraid. Trust me.

8. Live with balance. The list of what went "right" with my life is
so much bigger than the list of what went "wrong." My body died from
kidney disease, but my spirit always soared because of you.

7. What you focus on expands. Honor my earthly life and memory.
Does feeling guilty help you remember all our good times, adventures
and mutual love?

6. Live with Presence! Don't despair about yesterday. Don't fear
tomorrow. Otherwise, you'll miss out on the Gift of Today.

5. Thank you for taking my pain into your heart on that last day.
I'm so proud of you for that selfless act.

4. Didn't you always forgive me when I made a mistake? I forgive
you for any mistake you made during my illness. You made the best
decisions possible with the information available at that time. All
I took with me on my final earthly journey was our love. Please
accept my forgiveness and release the guilt.

3. Pat yourself on the back in between crying. Your effort to treat
me was a supreme act of humanity, love and compassion. Our
relationship was never more meaningful than during my illness.
Please recognize your character and commitment. I do.

2. Guilt is what you humans do to punish yourself for not being
perfect.

1. You didn't have a cure for a fatal disease. My body stopped
working because of this fatal disease, not because of something you
did or did not do.

Found a penny

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:33:55 GMT

I found a penny today
Just laying on the ground,
But it's not just a penny
This little coin I've found.
Found pennies come from Heaven
That's what I've been told,
By Angels watching over us
From their clouds of gold.
When an Angel thinks of you
They toss a penny down,
Sometimes just to cheer you up
To make a smile from your frown.
So don't pass by that penny
When you're feeling blue,
It may be a penny from Heaven
That an Angel's tossed to you.
"In God We Trust" is not a phrase
Just printed on a penny,
It's something to remember
When your troubles seem like many.
So when you're down and it seems
Your life has a blue tint,
That penny on a sidewalk
May be truly Heaven "cent."
Charles Mashburn

I never went away

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:32:58 GMT

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.

I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear.
"Its me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here"

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore.
I want to take your parcels, I wished I could do more.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.

More...I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for the key,
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me".

You looked so very tired and then you sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

Its possible for me to be so near you everyday,
to say to you with certainty "I never went away".

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew
That in the stillness of that evening I was very close to you.

The day is over.... I smile and watch you yawning
and say, " Good Night, Sweet Dreams, God Bless,
I'll see you in the morning".

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide
I'll rush to greet you and well stand together side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there's much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out; then come home and be with me.

I'm Free

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:31:53 GMT

DONT' GRIEVE FOR ME FOR NOW, I'M FREE. I'M FOLLOWING THE PATH GOD HAS
LAID YOU SEE. I TOOK HIS HAND WHEN I HEARD HIM CALL, I TURNED MY BACK
AND LEFT IT ALL.

I COULD NOT STAY ANOTHER DAY. TO LAUGH, TO LOVE, TO WORK OR PLAY.
TASKS LEFT UNDONE MUST STAY THAT WAY. I FOUND THAT PEACE AT THE CLOSE
OF THE DAY.

IF MY PARTING HAS LEFT A VOID, THEN FILL IT WITH REMEMBERED JOYS. A
FRIENDSHIP SHARED, A LAUGH, A KISS. OH YES, THESE THINGS I TOO WILL
MISS.

BE NOT BURDENED WITH TIMES OF SORROW. I WISH YOU THE SUNSHINE OF
TOMORROW. MY LIFE'S BEEN FULL, I SAVORED MUCH.

GOOD FRIENDS, GOOD TIMES, A LOVED ONES TOUCH. PERHAPS MY TIME SEEMED
ALL TO BRIEF. DON'T LENGHTEN IT NOW WITH UNDUE GRIEF.

LIFT UP YOUR HEARTS AND PEACE TO THEE. GOD WANTED ME NOW; HE SET ME
FREE.

I rescued a human today

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:30:27 GMT

Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering
apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew
I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she
wouldn't be afraid.

As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view
from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want
her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the shelter
keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them.

As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about
my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make
a difference in someone's life.

She got down on her knees and made
little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head
up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my
neck; she was desperate for companionship.

A tear fell down her
cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well.
Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I
instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I
would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do
everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her
eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many
more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to
be saved. At least I could save one.

I rescued a human today.
(~by Janine Allen~)
http://rescuemedog.org/dog-blog/i-rescued-a-human-today-by-janine-allen/

If dogs were teachers

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:13:09 GMT

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you 're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout . Run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Added my Hero

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 01:02:20 GMT

The website Bone Cancer Dogs is a great site for information on cancer in dogs. There is a heroes page and I just added Misha there.

http://www.bonecancerdogs.org/main/hero/218

Here is what I wrote about her:

Misha's Page

Weight: 95
Breed: Labrador Retriever
Age when diagnosed: 11

Tumors:

* Osteosarcoma in the Front limb

We got Misha in July 1996. We weren't sure about keeping her as we already had one dog, but for each day she stayed with us, she became that much closer to my heart. She was my girl. She was a good dog overall, loved to dig, loved and whined for her walks, and loved anything that squeaked. She was an alpha dog and had a hard time adjusting to me having kids, but we worked through it and survived.

On March 4, 2008, Misha was brought into the vet because she was limping for a few weeks. I thought she may have pulled a muscle slipping on some ice, but no, she was diagnosed with osteocarcoma in her front left shoulder. I was devastated. I did some research, we didn't want to amputate, didn't think it was "right", especially since she was still using the paw, but limping. I ordered some artemsinin, and along with some pain medication, in hopes that a miracle would happen. But it didn't. The limping got worse. We eventually scheduled her amputation for May 7. Two days before her surgery, her bad paw started to swell up, so I brought her in early. They couldn't amputate any earlier, but they did give her IV medication to ease her pain. She made it through surgery without a problem. She took to getting around on 3 legs very well. I could see that she was feeling better, happy again, smiling again, eating more than usual, and the pain was gone. Unfortunately, a week after surgery I brought her in because her incision kept oozing. They opened it up, cleaned it out, and added additional stitches.

On the morning of May 23, 2008, Misha started having what appeared to be seizures to me. Later I found out it was vestibular disease, which affects the brain. Misha was brought in to the vet by her dad, and he called me to tell me what was going on. In the end we felt it was in her best interest to go to the bridge, and it was done right there. It was such a tough decision because she was adjusting so well to the amputation.

I still miss her terribly. She was my baby. I feel like I was cheated because she was overcoming her amputation only to be taken down by something else. If I could do it all over again, I would amputate in a heartbeat. Just seeing the relief in her face was enough for me to know it was the "right" thing to do.

A Penny?

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:45:33 GMT

A penny is what they called it on the bone cancer dog forum when something reminds you of your furbaby. Some sort of sign that they are with you. I know I have had a few dreams with Misha, but this past week, I have been thinking about her more. It was just this week that I realized that my neighbors dogs, 2 black labs, (Misha was a lab mix) make the same one high-pitched bark that Misha used to do. she did it mostly when she was excited to go for a walk or a ride. I only noticed them doing it this week, never before this. Might have been a few days ago on Misha's anniversary. Makes me miss her more.

2 months

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:57:32 GMT

Wow, I can't believe today is 2 months that Misha has been gone. I still miss my pup. I still haven't picked up her toys outside and I want to cry when I go back by my firepit (well, partly because I have neglected it terribly) because that is where she enjoyed hanging out in summer. It is very shady back there and she could see wildlife and hear a little creek go by. It is really relaxing back there. I sometimes feel like my house is unsafe because no one is there to protect it.

I received an email from Dave's cousin with a friend trying to find homes for a littler of lab pups. Oh, were they cute, and it was tempting, but I just can't tie myself down right now. Soccer will be picking back up soon along with all of the other activities the girls will be doing and it isn't fair to a dog to have them home alone for that much time. I am so not a cat person, but I am tempted to get one just to have something around the house, and of course to control the mice that are in the house. I don't have a clue about cats at all though, and once again, that is more responsibility, but not as much. I guess, for now, I will just enjoy the quiet.

Just a Dog

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:50:13 GMT

Just a Dog

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog,"
or, "that's a lot of money for just a dog." They don't understand
the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved
for "just a dog." Some of my proudest moments have come about
with "just a dog." Many hours have passed and my only company
was "just a dog,"
but I did not once feel slighted. Some of my saddest moments have
been brought about by "just a dog,"
and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave
me comfort and reason to overcome the day. If you, too, think
it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand
phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a
promise." "Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of
friendship, trust,
and pure unbridled joy. "Just a dog" brings out the compassion and
patience that make me a better person. Because of "just a dog", I
will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.
So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment
of all the hopes and dreams of the future,
the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment. "Just
a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away
from myself and the worries of the day. I hope that someday they can
understand that it's not "just a dog",
but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a
man or woman." So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog"
just smile... because they "just don't understand."

1 month today

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:21:28 GMT

I can't believe it has been 1 month since Misha has been gone. The time seemed to, at times, go quickly since I was so busy with soccer games and tournaments and my girls. In a way it was nice not having to worry about finding a sitter for her. On the other hand, the house is SO quiet without her and I miss having my girl to talk to and cry on. She was always there for me when I needed a furry head to cry on and who loved me unconditionally. Plus now I have the mice (#3 caught yesterday.) This weekend will be my first full weekend with nothing to do and I will be without her (and alone, kids are with their dad) for the first time for an extended period of time. I think it will be a long, painful weekend.

The last time

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 15:03:14 GMT

Yesterday I washed the kitchen floor. It will be the last time I have to scrub off dried drool and dirt. I must say my floors are staying a lot cleaner now. I'm sure a part of me will miss the tumbleweed of fur flowing through the kitchen during shedding season. I am missing having someone to give left over scraps to.

A lot of people keep saying that I need to get a puppy or a new dog. I don't know when I will be able to do that. I am not sure if I can invest so much emotionally anytime soon. Losing Misha really affected me a lot more than losing Sami. Maybe because she was so much healthier and the cancer just came on and took over and really dragged her down. I don't know if I can watch that again. It hurt so much to see my baby hurting and knowing there wasn't anything I could do to prevent it.

dreams

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:37:31 GMT

I'm not sure if it is because I read the Dog Heaven book last night to the girls, or what, but I had a dream last night with Misha in it. She was back here visiting (she was still dead) and I was taking a clipping of her fur. I told Dave about it and he didn't believe me that she visited until he saw the fur clipping I had.

Then I had a second dream where she was a puppy. Instead of yellow, she was brown/black. Why? Because she was playing and rolling in the mud. I was trying to give her a bath so Dave would believe me that she was with us. Again, I knew she was dead in my dream.

It did leave me with a peaceful feeling.

My Dog Misha, the Alpha Dog

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:41:33 GMT

Misha came into my life courtesy of my brother and sister, who felt they needed to rescue a litter of 5 lab mix pups from a farmer that was going to shoot them. My brother and sister each kept one, homes were found for two others, and I chose Misha. I should have known Misha would be an adventurous dog from day one. When I went to my brother’s house to pick her up, sight unseen, she climbed over a baby gate to get out of the room all the pups were in. She was a cute yellow pup, though, with a tail that curled up and was up when she was happy, which was most of the time.

As soon as she came home, even as a pup, she made it known that she was the alpha dog to my other dog, Sami, when Sami was 1½ yrs old. One of the first things we had to address was an extra dewclaw. That needed to be removed and she was spayed at the same time. Then it was time to go to puppy school. I have no idea how she passed and received a diploma. She didn’t mind being in a cage when she was a pup and used to love onions. I didn’t know they were bad for her and show outgrew her love, or even like, for them. She did looked like Simba, from the Lion King, when she was a pup and we thought we should change her name. I really believe she kept Sami company and caused Sami to stop chewing everything in sight. She was also so easy to potty train. She rarely had any accidents in the house from the beginning.

Misha loved to sit outside in the coldest weather, and would sit outside for hours and hours. Neighbors would comment on her being outside loving the weather. She loved snow and wanted it thrown at her. She would jump around and bark for it. She also loved to chase the snowplow by running in the ditch in front of the house and let all of the snow fall on her. She would look like a snow puppy. She also loved to sit in the way back of the yard, staring across the way or keeping company by the firepit.

Of course being outside meant she needed to keep busy. She used to pull up tufts of grass if she was bored, and more often, if she wasn’t getting her needed walks. She must have gone on 1000s of walks, roller blades and runs and a few bike rides in her lifetime. If she didn’t get her walk, she would sit in front of the TV and whine and look all pouty. As a pup she would run off into the woods and come back when she was ready to be back. She was afraid of cars though. If one would drive by, she would get as far away from the road as possible.

She had some animal adventures as well. One morning I looked out the window and saw her chewing on something. Upon closer inspection, it was a deer hoof. Eww. The red fox den that used to reside on the back of our lot relocated because Misha was always trying to get at them. She loved to chase squirrels and bunny, and actually caught the bunnies and took care of them. She even tried to get a snapping turtle once, but she would have lost that one. If any dog came in contact with her, she had to show him/her who was boss. She was definitely an Alpha dog, attacking any and all, even Sami. She was also a strange dog. She is the only female dog I know that would lift her leg to pee, usually on mailboxes and she would hump Sami all the time. Poor Sami.

In the summer, she would much rather be in the house, preferable the basement, than outside. She loved summer walks and being able to run through the corn fields. She loved to hop in any water she could find.

Regardless of the weather, she loved to take the shortcut from the front of the house to the back, inside the house. I can’t tell you how many times she would walk in one door only to want to go back out the other door. Out, in, out, in, out, in, … All day long. For all of the in’s, she was great about stopping at the door and letting me wipe her paws. Even as she started to get older and in pain, she would still stop at the door and wait for her paws to be wiped.

Misha wasn’t a barker, only when someone came to visit. If she needed to go outside, most of the time she would stand in front of the door and “tap dance” until I let her out. If I didn’t hear her, she would let out a low growl, and if I still didn’t hear her, she would bark. She would do the same tap dance when she needed water in the upstairs bathroom.

There was a point when we didn’t know if we could keep her when Morgan was born. I think she was jealous of my time shift to my baby and she was losing time with me. She would always growl at the crawling Morgan and even snapped at her a few times. We definitely had to put her in her place, and eventually it paid off. We never had any problems when Peyton came along.

I have to say, pushing a baby in a stroller really taught her how to walk on a leash. If she wandered in front of the stroller, she usually was run over by it because I couldn’t see her paws. She also never bothered any of the girls’ toys. She would sniff them and walk away from them, even the squeaky ones. She loved her squeaky toys and would walk around squeaking them. That explains why one time when she caught a bunny, she must have thought it was a toy because she kept putting light pressure on it and it would squeak.

Although Misha was a water dog, she wasn’t fond of baths. She became a little better once I had a house with a walk in shower, but she didn’t like being blow dried at all. After her bath, she would run outside and roll around in the grass. One time, she hopped around so crazy that she sprained her tail and it couldn’t go up for a week.

Misha was a crazy one. She had a fetish for lasers. When Tom would come over, she would remember that he had a laser and would follow him everywhere, sitting in front of him, looking at him, then his pocket, then the floor. She would even wait outside of the bathroom for him to come out. She would whine, let out a little bark, and most drool. It took a long time to break her of that. The drool also occurred whenever she wanted anything, even food. It would just drip and puddle on the floor.

Misha thought of herself as a princess. She would sit with her front paws crossed. It was so cute. That same princess loved to play-fight, leaving whoever she was fighting with lots of scratches. She also loved to play catch and play take away with Sami. Sami would catch the Frisbee and Misha would try to take it away.

The poor princess was scared to death when we installed the electric fence. The first time she was zapped, she barely came out of the house for a week. And this was a dog that everyone thought would not stay in an electric fence. Three zaps later, and she never crossed the fence again. She eventually got to the point where she didn’t need to wear her collar anymore and would stay in the yard on her own.

You would have thought I never fed Misha. If she heard a slight crinkle of a bread wrapper or a container opening, she would come running and the drooling water works would begin. Every night, she needed to have a rawhide. The small ones (3-4”) would be gone in about 5 minutes. She would whine if she didn’t get one before bed. Of course, when Sami was around, Misha always thought Sami had the better bone and both pups would watch the other eat, or want to trade. Nothing like trying to swap bones with dogs.

Misha loved scratches behind her ears and on her belly. She would sit there and stick her tongue out of the side of her mouth, just a little. She hated fireworks and thunderstorms. She would follow me from room to room when a thunderstorm would come and only be happy when I would pet her and be close to her. She was also great to be around when I would need someone to hug. If I was having a bad day, she would stay next to me and let me pet her and hug her until I was feeling better. She was like a best friend.

Misha had a brutal shedding season, twice a year, but it seemed like year round. She would just lose tufts of hair. She loved to try to “fluff” the carpet by scratching at it. She hated the tile floor in my bathroom and would walk in really slowly to get a drink of water and back out very slowly, almost jumping around when her back paws hit the carpet.

It was a huge blow when she came up limping a few months before her 12^th birthday, only to find out she had osteocarcoma (cancer) in her front left shoulder. We tried artemisinin with some pain medication in the hopes that it would help her, but it didn’t. When her leg swelled up to twice its size, we knew it was time to either amputate or put her down. We chose amputation. She recovered well from it and adjusted easily. The only issue we had was an infection.

2 weeks after surgery, she was walking up and down stairs without a problem, eating like I never fed her, and being the happy, alert dog that I knew and loved. She was even walking in back by the firepit again. Who would have thought that at day 17 after the operation she would wake up and be normal, and within a couple of hours she would be thrashing around have what appeared to be seizures. The doctors think it may have been that the cancer was in her brain. That wasn’t how we wanted her to spend any of her time and it was at that time that Misha went to the Rainbow Bridge and she is hopefully playing with Sami now.

So thoughtful and 1 week

Sat, 31 May 2008 22:34:46 GMT

My wonderful friends at s2k sent my girls a book called Dog Heaven. I know they will love it. I read it and I was crying. I can't wait to read it to them. Also, Stephanie from the BCD board sent me such a sweet poem and a paw print magnet with "Misha" written on it.

Today is 1 week since Misha has been gone. Around 7:40 this morning I was in the kitchen remembering how Misha was acting. :-( I really miss my exercise buddy. I had to go for a roller blade by myself today. It's much harder to get moving when you don't have a dog whining to go for a walk.

A card from my home vet

Fri, 30 May 2008 13:37:45 GMT

I received a card yesterday from my home vet. Very sweet. It contained some Forget-me-not seeds. A poem for grieving was included:

A Poem for the Grieving

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep,
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds on circled flight,
I am the stars that shine at night,
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.

The doctor wrote:
L. Family,

So very sad to hear of the loss of Misha. I know she was a very special girl and was very well loved and cared for. She was lucky to have had such a wonderful home and family. I know how very hard it is to lose such a close and special friend and companion.

May the many good and happy memories you have of her help you through the pain of her loss.

With sympathy,
Dr. Ronda D.

interesting email

Thu, 29 May 2008 02:20:37 GMT

Today I read an email from someone on the bone cancer dog boards I have been on and she said she...

"met CJ Sellers, the psychic that appears on the Sci Fi Channel with the guys from Penn State that investigate haunted houses. She mainly wanted to let me know that my mother had been trying to reach me, to put to rest some issues we had at the time of her death. Let me tell you she was spot on with what went on between my mom and me, in fact some of the way she talked was just like mom did. She then told me that my Dad died very suddenly it was like he was shocked to figure out he was dead (also true, died from a heart attack). But he wanted to let me know that he had Bobbie and Blacky (my childhood dogs), but most importantly Moses was with him, and he would take good care of him until I joined them. Now let me tell you, I did not tell this woman anything, and I have no idea how she knew names, and the fact that if anyone would be taking care of Moses it would be Dad."

That at least give me some comfort that all the things I am telling my girls may really be true. I really want to believe that what I tell the girls is true, that one day we will all be together, dogs, family, friends, and we will be happy and things will be good. Obviously no one really knows, I keep telling Dave what I tell the girls so he can say the same thing since he doubts there is all of this afterlife. Nothing wrong in believing there is.

Card from vet

Thu, 29 May 2008 02:16:50 GMT

I received a really nice card from the vet today. I like the poem on the front:

With Loving Memories

You can't hurry sadness away.
When it wants to go,
it will.

It won't last forever.
So go ahead: Let tears fall,
hug your arms around a heavy heart.
And wait it out.

Take comfort.
Your sadness will certainly leave you,
but your memories never will.

It was signed by 3 people, all sweet too.

One said:
Misha was a very special dog. You were very happy to have her in your life. I am sorry for your loss.

another:
So sorry for your loss. Misha was a very sweet girl.

Lastly, the doctor that saw her for the last time.
I'm sorry for your loss of Misha. She was a real sweetheart and obviously loved. You gave her every opportunity medically with her amputation. I know the unexpected complication of vestibular disease was devastating. Your decision in the end was compassionate, kind, and completely selfless. Let the good memories be the ones you remember and cherish.

Wow, just reading it again makes me cry.

So quiet

Tue, 27 May 2008 22:13:57 GMT

I just came home from work and it is so quiet in the house. There was a message on the answering machine from my home vet. It was the doctor that diagnosed her. She just called to say she was sorry to hear about Misha and if there was anything she could do, to just give a call. I was doing ok preparing myself for the quiet, but that message got to me. Time to go find something to do to get my mind off of my pup.

reliving it

Tue, 27 May 2008 15:12:13 GMT

I had to relive Saturday morning a few times this morning at work. All of my coworkers are even in disbelief. I keep trying to get the "what ifs" out of my head. What if I had the amp done right away in March and followed that with chemo? Would she still be here?

This evening will be a rough one. It will be the first time I will come home (aside from her surgery) when the house will be silent, no kids (they are with their dad the next two nights) and no Misha. I will just have to keep busy or go to bed early.

Miss my puppy

Mon, 26 May 2008 14:09:17 GMT

So many little things remind me of Misha.

If I need to run back in the house if I forget something when I am leaving, she would always still be standing there :-(

There was a big thunderstorm last night. Misha would always be sitting right next to the bed with her chin on it, waiting for me to pet her.

I was picking up dog bones and blankets and bed, and washing all of her food bowls out. So sad to think I don't have to fill them anymore.

I go to bed thinking, don't forget to get Misha in. then I don't hear anyone moving around the room at night.

So many things remind me of her.

The Rainbow Bridge

Sun, 25 May 2008 03:14:44 GMT

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

So hard

Sun, 25 May 2008 03:12:12 GMT

This has been much harder than I thought. I thought maybe dealing with cancer and no her loss could happen at any time would prepare me, but it didn't, especially now that it is nighttime. Morgan has asked SO many questions regarding death and heaven, where is her body, will she had 3 or 4 legs in heaven, how do I know we will see her again, how do I know she is with Sami. She keeps saying she wishes she could see Misha one more time. So it is hard to deal with her questions and my feelings at the same time.

Misha was my heart dog. She and I had a special bond. She was her for me when things were going bad and even though she wasn't the most cuddly dog, she would sit by me when I was feeling bad and let me just hug her. She always greeted me when I came in the door and made me get my butt out and walk. I'm going to really miss her.

Misha is going to rainbow bridge

Sat, 24 May 2008 15:50:11 GMT

Hopefully Sami will be there waiting. Dave called and said that according to the doctors she didn't have a seizure, but she has some other disease, but they aren't sure what. Best case would be low thyroid (which I know runs in her litter) but they would need to keep her for 1-2 weeks in the hospital to run tests, and even then they aren't sure if it is that. If not, they would be back to square one. Every thing else were worse things, such as blood clot in the brain. They ran some tests and the drs said she couldn't find her paws. So we made the decision that we don't want her to have to go through this. So my ex will stay with her when they do this. This is killing me, and Morgan is very sad too. Peyton is sad, but ok. I need to pull myself together now and run my girls everywhere and sit at some soccer games.

I know I did everything I could to make her pain free, and I know she was for the last two weeks. I just was hoping for more time with her since she was back to her old self. I just wanted one more walk, to give her one more head scratch or belly scratch, to play catch one more time...